I stand on solid ground refusing to go back to my old ways!How do I sustain this path?I guess much like how I sustained the other path; by the choices I make so shall be my reward of course.My reward is Him, God.I pray that God hears the oath of my heart.The oath that my lips cannot utter, nor will I try.For in my past I have defiled my mouth by speaking lies with my tongue and speaking oaths before I understood the gravity of those oaths.God knows the oath of my heart and the purity from where it derives it meaning and purpose.My heart has yet to be defiled and has been made pure through the blood of my living God Jesus.
"Hear my oath oh God- for I am yours!"
"There is a rhythm, a rhythm that belongs only to you.It has been playing my whole life.When I stumble across it I can look around and everything is made clear.The air seems fresh, the lighting is perfect, and everything is in its place, even what others perceive to be out of place I find you there.I find peace there and I find life there!I hear your rhythm O God!I hear the song of my life.How beautiful it is- beauty that nothing else can touch- I could listen to this tune all the days of my life- for I have found it again and it's just as sweet as the day I was born!I will follow it where it leads.I am yours and you are my prize.This rhythm is real and authentic, nothing like I ever heard but I've always known.It is THE truth, THE way, and THE life."
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." --Proverbs 16:9
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During our debrief in Hong Kong, Andrew Sherman, one of our leaders, talked about his love for the kitchen table.Anyone who knows me knows I love to cook and eat. =)I automatically liked his reasons for loving the kitchen table. I had never thought about it in the way he described before.After our conversation I realized how much I loved the kitchen table as much as he does.It makes so much sense and 3 months later I'm still chewing on what he said.
The kitchen table is where it's at!It's where we enjoy fine food and "beverages."It's where we fellowship, talk about life, and love.We argue and rejoice there. It's a place of intimacy.
I've always loved to cook.It's one of the gifts I wonder how God is going to use in my life.One of the greatest joys of cooking is watching someone enjoy the food you prepared.Somehow you feel a part of creating food and joy.Good food can set the stage for intimacy and the exchange of love and life.I love it!
During this month I have been challenged.At times I've had feelings of bitterness, frustration and pain in unexpected ways.I'm not consumed by these feelings, but I think I've been more sensitive and moody than usual.Most days are good and others I look in the mirror and wonder what's up.At times I want to blame it on being in a house full of women whom I love, but who I've been around for 10 months.Other times I think it's because of the excess of materialism I'm around and how I feel the pull of the black hole that I only felt in the States.Most of the time I think it's because I will go home in a month. The truth is all the above have had an effect on me, but it would be an excuse if I said those were the reasons why I have felt these feelings. I believe these things can only bother me if I let them, and at times I have.I heard someone say that most people react to evil or the things that come against them and in comparison respond less to God.There is so much the Lord has been revealing, speaking, and beckoning me to;I know that's why the other stuff has been coming at me.But the Lord has been so good!He has kept me and is guiding me!
One of the main places where this stuff has seemed to fade away is at dinner.There is no real formula, I just think the presence of love and intimacy has helped to break things like frustration and being moody!Love does cover all things.
Being here in Antigua has been a blessing.We were able to rent a home for the month, and this home is ridiculously nice.The homes in Antigua are nothing short than luxury, a little different than my tent in Africa.We have a backyard, beds, and full kitchen with everything I needed to throw DOWN and cook!Can you believe it was 50% cheaper to rent than to stay in the hostel?$3 dollars a day, you can't beat that.The kitchen table has helped me to remember the importance of intimacy, fun, and fellowship.Not to mention the importance of good food! =)Almost every night we come together to cook food.We join hands and pray.We eat, joke, share our hearts, and play games.We are a family and have acted as such more than usual because of the kitchen table.
And no wonder! Psalm 23:5 says, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies."
Some of Jesus' most profound statements and symbolic acts were done at the kitchen table.He did the breaking of bread, drinking of wine, and washing of his disciple's feet.He shared the future and his fate with them.
Growing up, I wasn't too fond of the kitchen table.I was fond of the food, just not talking for some reason.My mom is the best cook in the world by the way.I found it hard to escape conversations and being vulnerable, so when got older I loved being engaged by the TV while eating.I still do sometimes.My mom hated it, and rightly so.
Why is it we love the holidays so much?I think a lot has to do with eating around that huge table with all the food.Hearing all the same stories and talking about politics. =)After dinner I'd find myself talking with my cousins and then my uncles, listening to stories and laughing until my face hurt.And at the end of the night, right before everyone would go home, my family would say to each other, "we should do this more." I miss my mother's cooking, especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas.I've missed the past three Thanksgiving's and this last year's Christmas.I would sneak in the kitchen the night before Thanksgiving and Christmas. IŽd take a little bit of the potato salad and sneak away with some cherry bars and cookies.When I say little, I mean an entire plate full.I waited all year, ya know!I still do it.Then the family would come over the next day and I would stuff myself into a coma with my mother's cooking and my aunts' disserts.Life doesn't get any better.
I love Gods model of intimacy."He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies!"In most houses, in the 1st world, there is a kitchen table; the place where most families come together.Not every family uses it or makes time to.But the table remains.I remind myself daily of the "kitchen table" in my life.The table between me and the Lord, the one he has already set and sits at until I join him.It's the place where I have laid down all my bitterness, frustrations, fears, and pain!It's where I have found comfort, forgiveness, and restoration of my spirit.There's a fulfillment that's beyond the satisfaction of food.It's the fullness of love and understanding that only comes from the one who made you."Man does not live on bread alone."That table exists at the foot of my bed, in the heat of pain and frustration, and when all has seemed to fail.
Antigua Guatemala is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. The food, music, and colors are just amazing. There's a lot going on all through the day and night especially this week. It's holy week. As I'm engaged in "Ministry" and around all this "stuff" I have this internal dialog that I can't shake from my being.
I listen to a podcast by Bill Johnston the other night; A pastor in Redding Oregon.I had a revelation recently that's been developing and he articulated what's been revealed to me much better than I could.He summarizes the revelation by asking, "Do you know the principles of the Christian Kingdom or the presence of Kingdom?Or, what the Lord is saying now vs. what he said."
Principles are important, even essential, but not as essential as what the Lord is saying now, at this very moment.Scripture says in Deuteronomy 8: 3"Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord."
The Lord is still speaking!
For a long time I only knew the principles of Christianity now I know his presence, and boy, things sure have changed.
Jesus in John 9: 6-9 healed a blind man by taking dirt, spitting in it, then rubbing it his eyes.Principle says- we should do that with every blind person we come in contact with.Presence says- do what I'm telling you now, in this moment with this person! The Lord might tell you just to lay hands.How do we know his presence?By knowing his voice. How do we know is voice?I don't have a simple answer.However, I know every person who's reading this blog has something pressing on their heart.You can call it a still small whisper.
As a human being 90% of what you say is nonverbal.The Lord's voice is not limited to a booming voice.Many times the Lords voice has been locked in the mouth of a friend of mine.Maybe networking two people together was more important than appeasing my desire to hear the audible voice of God so I feel special.The Lord speaks to me through all different types of crazy stuff.I don't get visions, or not yet.But I've had a dream or two that sure did come to pass. I've had all types of crazy coincidences. But most of all we learn His voice from the word and honing in on that still small voice.I used to say, "I can't hear the voice of God."The truth is I just deafened myself to what the Lord had been saying for years.The moment I responded to what He was saying, He met me.But I still hear the same still small voice, it's just much clearer now because I've honed in on it.The same whisper has given me this revelation about Principle and Presence.
Every Principle in the bible has the presence of God all over it.There was never a principle without His presence!Can we get breakthrough with only principles?Bill says, "you can be sustained for a season by principal but breakthrough only comes from the voice of the Lord."I would agree. The Bible says, Israel was acquainted with the acts of God but Moses was acquainted with His ways.I guess you could say we can be accustomed to the acts of God through the bible, through testimonies of the miraculous, or even through the things you see with your own eyes.If that's all we know then that can get boring.That's why the gospel's foundation is relationship, relationship with the Father.Israel was accustomed to the miraculous or the acts of God for 40 years but they never acquainted themselves with the one who was performing the acts.Only Moses did.The Lord calls us to know His ways, to know Him who creates the acts.And by the way His acts are still happening.
I used to think only pastors had the direct line to God or only really "good Christians," whatever that means.But the truth is we were all given a direct line, Jesus.John 14:6 says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.No one comes to the Father except through me.If you really knew me you would know my Father as well.From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him."
I believe there is a temptation and danger to live only in the principles of the Kingdom and never enter into the presence of Kingdom.The Kingdom that Jesus prayed to come on earth as it is in heaven.As I round the end of this trip I'm being faced with more challenges than I've ever faced.I told my parents recently in a letter, "I believe at the measure we respond to our call, is the measure that we receive the inheritance of that call. Where I desire to go in life and in my relationship with God, is going to take a lot more than my passion and zeal.This is where the "rubber meets the road." It's going to take obedience to what I hear from the Lord.It will take sacrifice and surrender to what he is saying.But I've learned that's the safest place to be.
The Lord spoke once to the Israelites, and His word never came back void.Upon His words they ate, stayed warm and cool, and drank water for 40 years in the desert.The Lord says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.You will seek and find me when you seek me with all your heart."Jeremiah 29:11
"Preach the Gospel always. And when necessary use words."
Hat turned sideways? Why are you standing in the middle of all those prisoners?These are just a few of the questions I'm sure people ask when they see this picture. The truth is, the men in the picture are my friends. I have laughed and cried with these men, being a little goffy isn't a big deal to them.
For the past month I spent five days a weak ministering in the prisons of the Philippines, truly an amazing experience.
I heard someone say, people won't listen to what you have to say until they know you care. Sometimes there's too much pain to filter through to listen to someone talk about a better life. Without prior setup, and after getting permission from the Warden to minister in his prison, I ventured into the unknown.
It's hard to paint an accurate picture of what it looked like, smelled like, just how it felt to be in a place like that.One cell holds 100 prisoners crammed in a space 40 feet by 60 feet, 3 to 4 people a bed, 4 bunks high. The house I grew up in was not much bigger than the size of this entire prison holding more than 700 men.150 of the men were kept in isolation cells due to sickness or disease, in each of the cells was about 70 to 80 men.These men hardly ever went outside, and many die in the cell.
Where does someone begin to reach out to more than 700 men? Well, it was pretty simple. I just took the burden away of expecting to reach all of them, or change the world all by myslef. Instead I did what the lord says to do. I just showed love in the ways I could, spoke life to what they revealed.For about a week they felt me out, tested my authenticity.Pretty soon I found myself surrounded by an upwards of 60 men listening to what I had to say hungry for the lord. They would ask me everyday to do another bible study or discussion. And so I did, but it was very unplanned. I like to think we just hung out and shared our hearts to one another seeking the lord together, because that's all it was.Some days I preached other days I sat and listened to their pain, other days I wept with them and prayed and prayed.At times I would find myself speaking to guards and later praying for one of the wardens with a teammate of mine. God was moving in that place, and was moving well before I got there. It is a very raw battle ground, some of the most detestable things happen in that place.Day after day I would walk into the male prison by myself.The guards never checked me; they would just wave me in and shut the door behind me.Prisoners would weep as they shared their pain with me.Many of them are so broken, starving for forgiveness.Others are being out right attacked demonically- crazy things have happened with those men.More than all that God is moving in that place!! Men are having miraculous visions from the lord! Many men have found Jesus and are on FIRE for the lord.Many have said "I'm thankful to God I'm here, if it wasn't for being here I don't think I would have found the lord or I would be dead" God is doing so much there, He is so good, there is a fire burning in that place.
By the end of my time there, I had the privilege to Baptize three men. In a very non traditional way I must add. In front of all the prisoners they declared their God, and their new life, and I dumped a bucket of water over their butts in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Sprit. Not really their butts, over thier heads first then the rest of their bodies.=) It was awesome and such a privilege, God deserves all the glory!!!
I've said many times that the Gospel isn't about right or wrong... It's about what is and what is not... It's about life and death. During my time in the prisons 2 prisoners died due to sickness, but three became alive..this reality is more true than ever!!!
There is a family of fulltime missionaries in the area who are going to carry on this work. Additionally, Petter, one of the male prisoners I met, has been ministering in the prison before I got there. He's actually one of the men I baptized.He is being released tomorrow and will join the team in ministering in the prison!! Praise God!
Facts...
<Many prisoners have served an upward of 5 years before they see their first trail.Most have been arrested for drugs and have done as little as sniff glue, some have done much more.
<Every month more than 5 men a month die in this prison due to health issues. The prison doesn't receive any help from the government for medical assistance, not even basic medicine.
Until the month of March I will be on the coast of Nicaragua doing hurricane relief work.I won't be able to check email or blog due to area I'm in.So thank you all for your support and prayers.I'll talk to you upon my return.
"God comforts the disturbed, and disturbs the comfortable."---?
I'm currently in the Philippines, and this has been my toughest week on the world race- by far! It hasn't been the ministry or the living conditions or anything like that, and I'm not home sick. It has simply been the unexpected! I'm not able to go into details, but I feel like the lord placed me on a rock in the middle of a storm, and he's the rock. The Lord has been "the lamp upon my feet," my comfort and my guiding hand- but it hasn't been easy, it's been quite painful at times.
During my time in China my heart and mind was flooded with the Lords truths. I had a hunger for the word that I had yet to have on the race. I couldn't get enough for some reason. I underlined everything, I kept thinking, "it doesn't help to underline everything." But I couldn't stop; I think I underlined almost every word of Acts, Romans, and a lot of Corinthians. On a different day I wrote in my journal the entry below. It's during this present time I realize why.
China-12/16th 2007 If I can't endure the hardships here, how can I do it there? If I struggle to show love here, how can I do it there? If I'm distracted here, how much more will I be there? If I struggle to pray and worship here, why do I think I'll do it there?
"There" is where we begin to reveal the true beauty of the bride (The church.) When we finally die to self. When someone asks, "Are you alive?" And you can finally say "no, but so happy that I can not live.""There" is where Brother Yun, Sir. Francis Drake, Paul, Martin Luther King, and many others around the world who are "tipped" are. Where Jesus is and where he calls us to be!
If I handle small responsibilities poorly, how could God trust me with the big? If I think I'm persecuted here, how much more will I be there? If I think I'm lonely here how much more will I be there? If I think I've suffered for the sake of Christ here, how much more will I suffer there? If I can't hear the voice of God here, how will I there? If I don't rise up here why would I there?
If I think I walk in the armor of God here, how much brighter will it shine there? If I think I walk in the power and authority of God here, what about there? If I think I've seen the glory of God here, what about there? If I think I take joy in my sufferings here, how much more will I there? If I think I'm a Christian here, what about there? This is my refinement and I've committed to it! In and out of the fire I go. From the hot burning furnace to the cold solidifying water and back into the fire again, every time taking more shape and being made stronger. This refinement is far from being finished, but it's at this stage I can see shape taking form. I envision a slight smile on the Lords face, sweat dripping from his brow and then a shift in his countenance to love and strength as he places me back in the fire. And I, his son, have given permission, if you can call it that. I asked Him to make me into the man I desire to be. I told him, "I want to be a part of your army, a part of the generation you rise up." He is answering my prayer. When a blacksmith shapes metal it doesn't know what it's being made into. It was in its raw form when it was taken from the earth, unattractive without purpose or shape. Only after the refining fire could it be used for its purpose. I don't fully understand my purpose or what shape I'm taking, I just know God's good!
One of my teammates, Jane Kim, gave me this word while we were in China.- talk about crazzy-! "I saw a dark room or blackness-but the only thing that I could see was a small flame and nothing else. Then I got an image of a furnace- I kept getting the the image- in it were coals- very hot like white heat. The Lord is saying he is going to put you in a refiners fire to burn away all the crap, gunk and junk. Be at peace about it. I see a hand telling you to come beckoning you."
I hope I haven't been to vague. But the important thing is what the lord is doing in me, I hope you catch my heart in this. I have peace during this time, but I ask for your prayers as I very much need them.
I'm currently in the Philippines, and this has been my toughest week on the world race- by far! It hasn't been the ministry or the living conditions or anything like that, and I'm not home sick. It has simply been the unexpected! I'm not able to go into details, but I feel like the lord placed me on a rock in the middle of a storm, and he's the rock. The Lord has been "the lamp upon my feet," my comfort and my guiding hand- but it hasn't been easy, it's been quite painful at times.