Last night I got one hour of sleep... Night before that,
four.... And the few days prior, not
much more...
Have you ever had so much on your plate that no matter how
hard you work you still feel behind?
I wish I could leave it at that, but the truth is I feel
like I'm the very worst at so many things in my life! More so then ever!
The very worst:
Friend
Son
Employee
Lover of my God
Steward of what He has entrusted to me
Missionary (Feels like a joke typing this word, when I know
so many SOLD out Missionaries) But
whatever you want to call me... the
very worst!
Blogger ;)
hahah
This isn't a pity party.. I'm typing this as I sit on a plane bound for
Burma. I truly feel privileged and
Love my life. I guess the
challenge is balance: the ancient
old struggle for all of us.
Life... with all
the good, bad, and everything in between...
ISN'T IT AWESOME!?! ISN'T
Life amazing!! Just step out side
and go for a walk/hike.. Meet someone new and beautiful... or Ugly..... But watch
how amazed you'll be when you truly get to know their unique story!.. Life.......God sure knew what He was
doing!
I sit on this plane after only one hour of sleep, and all I
can think about is the grace that God, family, and friends continue to extend
to me. I don't know if I've ever
been so thankful for all that God has given me! Relationships in every form.. opportunity to pursue my
dreams, health, freedom, and a big GREEEN LIGHT that say's keep going!
In less then 48 hours I'll be in the jungle of Burma
attempting to finish my film project I began 2 years ago (or at least the
filming stage)... I've thought about
this day for months; "why, should I, do I have too?" Spent sleepless nights trying to prepare. And now here I am!
I've Barley touched base with the people that mean the most
to me. My pack is way overweight
and have no Idea if my domestic Asian flights will let me fly with all my gear
without charging me a fortune.(Everyone is so tinny and the bag/weight restrictions
are a challenge) More over, I
barley know what I'm doing !
And ....I'm scared!
Not fearful scared.. The kind of scared you feel when cliff jumping. You feel it... conclude it is what it
is... and you jump as high and as
far as you can.
Oddly... at the same time. I feel such peace!! ...
I can't.... nor do I have time to catch you up... But for the
first time I'm going on a "mission trip"
That is dangerous with unknowns...
I'll be crossing into B*u*r*m*a Illegally with people I trust, going to
IDP camps and living with the people who have suffered so much from this
conflict. I'll visit refugee camps
where some of my Karen friends live, among other things. I'll be back in the states after
5 weeks.
Sobriety has been the word to describe this past year or
so.. I'm more sober then ever I think.
Crazy how we can truly miss and forget how blessed we are..
Recently I wrote;
"I stand before God with all my strength trying to do the
best I can and I feel so week, so very week! But I'm so thankful, so so thankful I feel that
weakness. It's the oddest thing to
find comfort in such a thing. The
work of Grace is truly a mystery... I know so little... All I know He is good and
I'm so thankful the Father is with me !
I know I've been out of touch. Will have an update soon. Just wanted to share a short video I shot this past week. This is a new promo video for a department within Adventures in Missions that has been "re-branded" Hope you like it. =)
*Hi Everyone.. I know it's been awhile since I've posted...
*I've been busy traveling to a few countries debriefing teams (India and Romania), doing video production for the worldrace and Adventures in Missions as a whole, working on my Burma film project, doing freelance photography and now I'm neck deep in another World Race training camp. =) Love what i get to do.
*After this week I'll be flying back to Romania to launch another World Race squad.
In the mean time I wanted to begin sharing some video's we've been putting together for the Adventures in missions. This one is called Dear College Me. It's the first of a 4 part series. Hope you like it.
Recently I had the pleasure and opportunity to direct my
first short film..
Never thought that would happen... a director? But lets just say I could get used to
this. I have so many creative idea's
bouncing around in my heart and brain.. Some days I feel like I'm gonna pop. This was a good step forward, and one
day soon I hope to get out what I feel is inside me...
After many long nights, it's finally finished.... The new WR
promo video.
I hope you like it!
A BIG THANKS to all to help pull this off and make it happen!!
Adventures In Missions with support of Whistle Peak Productions Director, Sean Smith Music Composed by, Daniel Harney soundcloud.com/dhstudios Graphics, Joshua Schlabach Poet, Michael Perez Actor, Mark Schandel Party Boys, Aaron Brunner, Matt Patch, Josh Woodmansee Michael Perez wrote this poem while in Africa. We shot it out in a field in Kenya.
The Spoken word is about the transition through the normal mundane tension of life, and passing through that gateway by making a choice to go. Go to the nations. To respond to the whisper, the rumor that there is more something else. The World Race can be an option to facilitate the "go" in someones life.
This is the Transcription of the piece Perez wrote.
my race my race my race my race, more than the color of my skin and the language I speak More than a 5 or 10k More than a run in the park awaiting for the sound of the gun to blast to activate my stride, my step, my course Destiny in the making, purpose for the taking Awakened in a season, rather forsaken a reason for my being, the reason for my seeing the reason for my hearing, my speaking, my life, my choice My longing to dispose of a comfort and a fear that's recycled and reused me for too long Too many tears not poured into the right soil, the right soul Too many years not reaping the ripe harvest, the right mind set in my ways reevaluating my calling because I couldn't calculate it Reconsidering convenience because I couldn't handle the leaving of home The known for the unknown The digital follow me's that have kept me at ease, appeasing the heart of me Keeping the real followers at a distance for the scared of me Status-quos, fb statuses for real life and unpredictable challenges so grow and break the rest of me, realizing that all of Him is the only best of me for them to see I lost part of me in the process, part of me in the nonsense part of me to get sense but not change, my life is worth more than dreams that keep me dreaming and people waiting, keep me waiting and people dreaming about a love so deep it keeps them gasping for His air His breath to keep them breathing, His words to keep them believing Longing for more of Him in the form of me and me longing for more of Him in the form of them, so I go
There are a whole lot of Christian forms of speech or lingo. At times I think it can render us
irrelevant, void of tact and wisdom, at least to the receiver.
Not a criticism, or is everyone, just a general observation. The "God bless you brother's," aren't bad, just seemed to be conditioned responses. In laymen terms; good luck trying to speak to someone off
the street in Yonkers New York if you don't know how to relate. Or look at it this way... what about
sitting with a King who has given you his ear to influence things for the better
in his nation. What would you
say?! I don't know what I'd say, but I think about it often believe it or not.
Ever wonder why Jesus spoke in stories?! Wasn't because his Jewish vocabulary
was limited! He never meandered in
the maze of logic, talented speaking, or theology which the Pharisees knew
like the back of their hand. Jesus knew how to say stuff without saying stuff! He could out argue anybody, He is perfect theology, but He crafted His speech so that the revelation, the meaning behind his words, had the best chance of landing on critical hearts like mine!
After doing some history and biblical history, It seems that having influence within nations and their leaders is
NORMAL life for sons and daughters of God! Not about being
the best or right... but being a conduit of life for God to flow through whether that
be to a person on the street or a king!
To bring life where there is death; order to where there is chaos! To proclaim HOPE where there is
fear! Truth to where there are lies! In a sense to carry the essence of
William Wallace from the movie Brave Heart, and proclaim freedom from the high places! It's not far fetched!
Ever wonder how a movie like that came about or why it has
so much influence! It's not because it's a cool movie!
I saw the writer of Brave Heart, Randall Wallace, in person a few months
back speaking on HOPE and how it's his life message. He shared his love for God and how he's determined to
infect Hollywood with stories of life and Hope! Not much time later I now see
him speaking at the National Prayer Breakfast. Steady, confident, speaking words salted with truth, wisdom,
and tact... I stood amazed watching how he effortlessly put a demand on our
national and world leaders! I say effortlessly because it's not something he
conjured up- it's who he is! It was like watching a boxing match! It beckons
the question yet again, what would I say? But somehow affirms the simplistic fact, it's rooted in knowing
who He(God) is and who you are in Him.. Knowing your weakness but the strength
that comes from that, as Wallace later said.
This video clip is 15 min of Randall Wallace speaking to our
national and world leaders. I think
it's imperative for us to take note of such times....
Here are a few quotes from his speech that you'll find in
the clip.
"Tolstoy wrote in War and Peace, 'that in a battle one man
throwing down his weapon and running away can panic the whole army. And in a panic, one man snatching up
the battle flag and running back toward the enemy can rally a whole army, and
no one but God knows what will happen and when.'"
"What if prayer was a way to glimpse Gods true intentions? The divine purpose for each of us. I'm not a theologian, I'm not looking
for logic, I'm only trying to understand my experience that prayer
matters! Does it change the mind
of God?... I don't know. All I can
tell you is it changes me!"
"If God is God at all... God hears our prayers whether or not
we pray them or not. So why pray
at all? For me, it's not because
God needs to know my prayers. It's
because I do!"
"Prayers sift our souls like sand. Take any moment in life,
take this one: here in a room
resonant with power! Did we come
here this morning because we want to feel closer to that power? Do we go before God because what we
want to do is use the power, the ultimate power we imagine that God has? Or do we get down on our knees to acknowledge
the truth of our weakness, and to rise again in the strength of that
truth."
"Jesus said the truth will set us free, he also said the
truth, God is love. It's the
prayer that comes from love, that is the prayer that goes to God. "
Since I wrote
last I've been to Africa , Holland, Mexico and Thailand!I feel almost grieved that I haven't
taken the time to write since then.
Why grieved?I don't know, maybe it's because I feel
a sense of release when I'm able to get down on "paper" what I've been learning
and experiencing! Sometimes I just write as if it was only God reading.At times I feel like I'm going to pop
with all the stuff bouncing around in my head and heart!
And.... I write so
I don't forget!
Last week when I
was in Thailand a young woman come up to me and said, "I came on the race
because of your blog."
What!??! ME...
WHY!!?
I don't know...
comments like that just don't seem real!!I guess it's always easier to believe in others vs. yourself!I clinched my teeth and said, "thank
you."
This process of
growing NEVER stops!And the
uncomfortably it requires seems to always be there! At least that's been my
experience!
I constantly feel
like I'm in positions I'm not qualified for!Having responsibilities that I could really fail at!Doing things that I think other people
are more qualified or even better at then me!
So much grace!!!So...much... grace!
I think I'm
beginning to understand why Paul boosted in his weakness! I still trip over my
words and have a very limited vocabulary. If it wasn't for spell check I don't
know what I'd do! I'm not the most business savvy, the best teacher, or
preacher.I'm pretty average and
struggle in a lot of areas. Still have questions and hope one day to have more
answers! I didn't plan this.. it truly feels like I found myself here.How is it that I'm the one teaching
anything to people in the nations? That I get put in a pulpit to preach...well hopefully
that's what I'm doing, sometimes I just don't know...!What's the difference between talking and preaching?A pulpit?
* (Tiny rabbit
trail)...true worship will preach all by itself... suffering will preach all by itself!I heard a man say, "if you preach what
you know you're just talking! If you preach who you are, just maybe, just maybe
you might be preaching!"
MLK Jr. "Drum Major Instinct sermon,"
now that's preaching!It preached
so much it was played at his funeral- his own words! Ha! Check it out if you
haven't before!
A few weeks ago I
was writing a friend in Germany, catching her up on life.I wrote out what I had been hearing
from the Lord!
No it wasn't an
audible voice..In my
spirit ya know?
"I sense a
gentle and sober caution in my spirit from the Lord! Almost as if the
Lord has been whispering. 'There is a window of time, a season within the
season, if you catch it and listen well, the foundation will be set for when
you will need it in time to come! Don't get so busy with "kingdom
works" that you miss the kingdom! For it is a Kingdom of small things,
like the intentions behind your thoughts! I'm laying it now... the time
I'm giving is now for this... later you will understand... you can't plan or
foresee this, heed to my whisper as you have done before... later you will see
the perfect marriage of time and destiny. You are still so young, remain young.
Yes young, if not young then what should I say, Mature? There is much to come.!
Remain humble no matter the works, praise, or reward! Even in
whatever maturity you think you may gain remain young! Remain young in
perspective, humble and teachable.. no matter if you're 80.. remain young! Know
the season you are in and the season you are in corporately!"
God is alive and
Well!I've resolved and settled a
while ago,IT DOESN"T matter how
talented or attractive you are, how much you think you know, what gifts you
have, or miracles you've seen.... It's about LOVE! I've been asked my dreams many
times... and I have some, more then I've ever had!But I dream more of who I can become not what I'll do!I just figure the "doing" will come
from understanding the "being" of who God made me to be, first!
This has been the
internal dialog for months now.. =)
When I look at you, all I can think about is how no little girl ever dreamt of growing up to be a crack whore.
You scare me. The way your eyes dart around in your head like a frightened animal. And that thing you do with your mouth, working it back and forth, back and forth, over no words and no food. Like you just can't stop chewing a giant, imaginary wad of gum.
You freak me out.
And you break my heart.
I see you begging for food and change at every car window. I see you stumbling out of the coffee fields, followed by some guy, zipping up his pants. I see you lapping up water out of a pothole in the middle of the street, like a dog. I see you, and I think for sure that you're pregnant... and I see you a week later and I know for sure that you're not.
And every time I see you, I think about how nobody wanted this for you, especially not you.
I see you and I think, "We are polar opposites."
You are dark and brown and swirling onyx from head to toe. And I am light and white and gold. Your eyes look like the night, and mine, the day. And everything good inside of you is teaming to get out, straining against the interlinked arms of drugs and abuse that have brought you to this wretched place. This spot on a street corner where you sit in your own waste and stare off into space because you're blitzed out of your ever-loving mind.
I watch you from my car. Where every awful thing inside of me is fighting to get out, throwing itself a against this fortress of vanity, of bleached smile and plucked brow, of a too-pricey haircut and the perfect push-up bra - every selfish intention, every malignant thought, every raging, hypocritical rant is right there under the surface, searching out the weak spots for a place to leak out and contaminate the world.
You're a tweaker. So they spit on you and tell you to get a job.
I'm a missionary. So they pat me on the back and tell me I'm awesome.
But once upon a time - back before someone broke you and before Someone fixed me - we were both just little girls. We probably both played with baby dolls and maybe we both had daydreams of what our ever-afters would look like, of what kind of women we'd be. Probably neither of us came very close to what we dreamed as kids... I know I'm not who I thought I'd be. And I know that no little girl ever dreamed of being a crack-whore...
There you are, all wild-eyed and chatting up a fire hydrant. And as I drive past you to get to the mall, my chest starts to feel heavy and my pulse picks up and I can feel, when I see you, that I have a heart for you.
Yes. I have a heart for you.
I don't even know what that means, except that I know it's true.
This is a story from a current Squad on the field, visit this blog for the original post! http://joshandbrianarene.theworldrace.org We get incredible stories reported from the filed all the time.... this one is just amazing!
As we were in the LA
airport for our layover all night, I looked for a place that got good internet
and plopped down by one of my teammates. Right after that this random
guy came over and asked us if we wanted free internet, and , who doesn't
want free internet when the internet in the LA airport is 8 bucks.. so
we gladly agreed, and he sat down and typed in his password. We struck
up a conversation with him and he explained to us that he had been stuck
in the airport for two days because his flight kept getting delayed due
to weather.. and to make matters worse on his previous flight his
wallet had gotten stolen so he hadn't eaten since then. We felt bad and
offered to buy him some food when McDonalds opened.
We then told him about the world race, and
what we were doing and he seemed really interested. He asked us how much
support we needed to raise, and we told him and then he said, " well, i
don't have my wallet, but I do have my bank account info, and I think
it's really cool that you guys left your home to do this for your faith.
Go get some of your other teammates because I want to give around
$20,000." Yes, thats right.. TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! He explained to us
that he had inherited a large sum of money when he was 18 and really
felt prompted to give to us. So I ran down and woke up the squad and
explained to them that there was this 22 year old that wanted to donate
$20k. People couldn't believe their ears, but they followed me back up
the stairs and then he had us type in the site and he donated! He fully
funded some people, and brought other peoples numbers way up! We were in
shock... Here was this kid that's younger than some of us, that has
money, but chose to bless us with it. When does that ever happen?!?!
When God wants to bless His children!=D
We bought him McDonalds.. it was the least
we could do..lol, and then he hung out with us for the rest of our
layover. As we were leaving he began to tear up and told us that he
really saw something different in us and he could feel the presence of
God around us. We got to pray with him and asked God to continue to
open up his heart to the Truth and to His love. He wasn't a Christian,
he told us that he was a Buddhist, but didn't practice it.. But there
was a seed planted that night!
Blogger ;)
hahah
*This blog is written by Jamie the VWM (very worst missionary) She is someone that is raw, real, and who's captured my heart! 
As we were in the LA
airport for our layover all night, I looked for a place that got good internet
and plopped down by one of my teammates. Right after that this random
guy came over and asked us if we wanted free internet, and , who doesn't
want free internet when the internet in the LA airport is 8 bucks.. so
we gladly agreed, and he sat down and typed in his password. We struck
up a conversation with him and he explained to us that he had been stuck
in the airport for two days because his flight kept getting delayed due
to weather.. and to make matters worse on his previous flight his
wallet had gotten stolen so he hadn't eaten since then. We felt bad and
offered to buy him some food when McDonalds opened.